By Dr. Macie Smith
As a family caregiver, dealing with grief is something you likely encounter on a regular basis. So what exactly is grief?
Grief is an emotion that we experience about a loss. The loss can be a person, an ability, a home, a marriage, a job, even our youth. The deep sorrow that accompanies grief is something we may not want to deal with, but unfortunately, dealing with grief is inevitable.
Throughout the course of our lives, we will all encounter loss and go through the process of grieving. It’s important to have insight into the grieving process, including what to expect and how to cope.
Let’s talk about the four types of grief
1. First, there’s anticipatory grief, which is grieving before a loss. We often see this with people who are living with a terminal disease like Alzheimer’s or cancer.
2. Then, there’s abbreviated grief, which typically comes after anticipatory grief. The idea is that if you have already been experiencing anticipatory grief, the grieving process may be shorter because you have been already processing your emotions.
3. Cumulative grief comes when you are working through multiple losses at one time.
4. And delayed grief occurs some time after the loss as a result of not dealing with loss when it happens, perhaps by keeping busy or distracted.
Now let’s talk about the five stages of grief
People may not go through all five stages, but what I’m going to talk about now is how people typically progress through their emotions.
1. The first stage is denial, which people could be aware of, or it could be subconscious. Examples include staying busy to avoid dealing with emotions or continuing to talk about a person as if they are still here, in the present tense.
2. Next is anger, which is a natural response to loss. During the anger stage, we may blame others for our loss, like a doctor or family member. We might get mad at ourself, because we feel like we could have done more. We may also lash out at people who having nothing to do with the situation at all.
3. Bargaining is the next stage, and this typically involves conversations with a higher power about sparing a person in return for you doing something. This stage can also include a lot of “what if” thoughts: if only I had done XYZ, this wouldn’t have happened.
4. Depression occurs when you let yourself feel the loss. You can feel a loss of hope, have difficulty concentrating or making decisions, experience confusion or disorientation. Grief-related depression can also cause physical symptoms like pain and disruptions in sleep patterns.
5. The final stage of grief is acceptance–learning to live with the loss. The feeling of sadness doesn’t go away, but you are able to navigate your day. Grief becomes a part of your life. Your loss becomes a part of your living.
Now let’s talk about coping strategies and self-care
It’s really important to identify your feelings, acknowledge emotions and address them. It helps to talk to someone who can validate your emotions. The worst thing you can do is share how you are feeling with someone who invalidates those feelings.
• Take time off from work, so you can recharge, regroup.
• Give yourself grace. Allow yourself to feel vulnerable, make mistakes. Be easy on yourself.
• Do things you enjoy–even if you don’t feel like it in the moment. You’ll feel better afterwards.
• Allow yourself to “feel your feels,” experience all of your emotions.
• And finally, lean on your village. That includes natural supports like friends and family as well as professional supports like a spiritual advisor, a therapist or support groups. You may be able to tap into benefits available to you through your employer’s Employee Assistance Program.
Dealing with grief is a natural part of being human. And while it may be unpleasant to experience grief, I hope that the insights provided here today can help you get through the grieving process as well as allow you to help others.
If you are a family caregiver, you are not alone. Discover family caregiver resources and learn more about respite care through SYNERGY HomeCare.
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SYNERGY HomeCare offers no obligation home assessments. Find a location near you or contact us to learn how we can provide additional support to you and your loved ones.
Dr. Macie P. Smith is a licensed gerontology social worker who is focused on helping families support their aging loved ones through long-term care. Specifically, Dr. Smith educates caregivers on how to care for seniors with dementia. She is an advocate for specialized care and assists others in finding a way to provide a better quality of life for individuals with Alzheimer’s or dementia. Dr. Smith has dedicated over 22 years of her life working in gerontology and assisting families in finding personalized solutions for dementia care. For more articles by Dr. Macie Smith, click here.
